2/15/2022
After a lot of contemplation I did what I thought would be right.
I did what I would want someone to do in my situation.
I don't care if it had an effect or not. I just did what I felt like
had to be done.
2/13/2022
Long time now see.
I decided to revamp this site after a long time of thinking whether or not I should.
There's people I know that might still check this site even after they've been out of
my life for a while now. Truthfully, I'm scared to talk about what's bothering me but
at the same time I really need to just get it out in a way that helps me.
I've been suffering recently. A lot more than normal and it's so incredibly frustraing since
my life has taking a dramatic turn for the greater. I'm in a great program, I'm able to spend my days
doing whatever I feel, I have an amazing parter who I get to spend each and every day with, and so much
more going for me right now.
My depression and anxiety have been becoming greater issues in my life again here recently so, at this point,
I'm willing to try more to try and relieve myself of this shit.
Months ago after breaking up with my last long term partner. I decided a new relationship would be the thing I needed.
I knew it wasn't. I knew it was a rebound because my feelings still never faded for the first person. A little after a
month I got so disgusted with myself for wasting someones time willing, I ended the rebound relationship and decided to
take a few weeks to better myself to try and get back with my ex.
I took the time and truly made a change for the better and focused on making myself ready for going back to her.
Which eneded up being a huge fucking regret for me. I've never had someone lie to me in that degree.
When we started talking I learned in some very fucked up ways that she is already with someone but at the same time
knows it's going to end and acted like it meant little to nothing to her. I thought 'fine'. I was willing to leave and quit
but she kept on giving me hope and telling me she would end it for us just give her time.
During that time we went back to doing things like we had before we had split and it felt amazing for me. It was still awful
for my mental health but still, my sex drive was back and I was occupied. Everything we did and everything I felt was only able to
happen beacuse of how she told me felt about her relationship with the other guy. She kept telling me she would leave him and that
their relationship was going nowhere and that it was going to end, they even talked about that.
Well she was lying through her gapped ass teeth the entire time.
How do I know? She is still with the guy she swore to me multiple times that she would be leaving soon.
She went on an expensive vacation with his family, she did the same thing she planned to do with me whilst having no feelings for me
months prior. I so foolishly believed her lies countless times. The things she said to me about herself, about him, and about myself especially.
All still linger in my mind till this day. How can someone do such bullshit things and be such a visciously selfish person.
Looking back, there were so many disgusting things that were said on her part that made this whole thing so fucking disgusting.
I hope she told him what she did. I hope he knows the things she did for me while swearing she would leave him. I hope she
told him the things that she told me about him. How do you stay with someone after cheating and not tell them?
I wish I got an apology for the shit she did to me. I hope he got one.
Knowing the type of person she became, she didn't.
